150 Sarcastic Quotes on Life for Your Witty Behaviour

Sarcasm is a common occurrence. To quickly come up with a caustic remark on the moment, you need to be rather crafty and intelligent. Sarcasm is creative in certain aspects.

Even other types of creativity could be sparked by it! In the words of Oscar Wilde, “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but the highest form of intelligence.”

150 Sarcastic Quotes on Life with Images

The humorous uplifting sarcasm quotes and sayings in the list below will make your day a little brighter. Check out our most-read sarcastic quotes, a collection of succinct sayings, if you liked this one.

20 Hilarious Sarcastic Quotes

1. “You’re everything I want in someone I don’t want anymore.”

2. “Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”

3. “Sometimes I meet people and feel bad for their dog.”

4. “Never mistake my silence for weakness. Nobody plans a murder out loud.”

5. “Sure I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.”

6. “You play the victim. I’ll play the disinterested bystander.”

7. “If they act like they can live without you… Help them do it.”

8. “I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”

9. “I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.”

10. “My neighbors listen to good music whether they like it or not.”

11. “Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.”

12. “I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently a way out wasn’t the right answer.”

13. “Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.”

14. “My boss said I intimidate my co-workers. I stared at him until he apologized.”

15. “I don’t fall asleep. I overthink myself into a coma.”

16. “Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.”

17. “It’s amazing how clean my house can get when I’m pissed off.”

18. “Instead of ‘single’ as a marital status they should have ‘independently owned and operated.'”

19. “Tact is for people who aren’t witty enough to use sarcasm.”

20. “If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.”

20 Quotes on Sarcasm

21. “I’ve birthed an entire baby in less time than it takes my husband to poop.”

22. “If you’re waiting for me to give a crap, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be a while.”

23. “Marriage. Because your crappy day doesn’t have to end at work.”

24. “I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I go normal from time to time.”

25. “Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could slap eight people at once.”

26. “How much better would it be if a liar’s pants really did catch on fire?”

27. “What doesn’t kill you gives you a set of unhealthy coping mechanisms and a dark sense of humor.”

28. “You’d be in good shape… if you ran as much as your mouth.”

29. “Right before I die I’m going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.”

30. “Fun fact: Alcohol increases the size of the ‘send’ button by 89%.”

31. “Be the reason someone smiles today… Or the reason someone drinks. Whatever works.”

32. “I don’t have a welcome mat at my door because I’m not a liar.”

33. “Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throwing ANYTHING away EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord.”

34.  “Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.”

35. “I don’t keep secrets, I just keep people out of my business.”

36. “Sorry for being late. I got caught up enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.”

37. “My silence doesn’t mean I agree with you. It’s just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.”

38. “I’ll get over it. I just need to be dramatic first.”

39. “Lead me not into temptation. I know the way.”

40. “Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”

30 Funny Quotes with Sarcasm

41. “In some families, ‘please’ is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was ‘sorry’.” — Margaret Laurence

42. “I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”

43. “Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”

44. “I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?”

45. “Find your patience before I lose mine.”

46. “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”

47. “Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.” — Robin Williams, Actor

48. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” — Steven Wright

49. “If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”

50. “Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.”

51. “I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”

52. “Life’s good, you should get one.”

53. “Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”

54. “I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”

55. “I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure out where the hell you got the idea I cared.”

56. “No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”

57. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.”

58. “Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.”

59. “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.”

60. “Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”

61. “You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Someone’s losing a trailer, number one.” — Robin Williams, Actor

62. “If you had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.”

63. “Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.”

64. “If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

65. “People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.”

66. “Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”

67. “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”

68. “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”

69. “Sarcasm–the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.”

70. “My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”

30 Wild Sarcastic Quotes and Jokes

71. “Instead of ‘have a nice day,’ I think I’ll start saying, ‘have the day you deserve.’ You know, let karma sort things out.”

72. “My favorite party trick is not going.”

73. “The older I get the less surprised I think I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.”

74. “I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.”

75. “Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!” — Groucho Marx

76. “Why do we spend so much time looking for intelligent life on other planets? I’d be happy to find intelligent life here on Earth first.”

77. “Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.”

78. “People think I go out of my way to piss them off. Trust me, it’s not out of my way at all.”

79. “So many people worry about their physical appearance and material possessions, that they completely disregard their crappy personality.”

80. “Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!”

81. “Some people really suck. Avoid them.”

82. “Sorry… to have met you.”

83. “If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on this planet.”

84. “Back in my day, people used to take photos with other people in them.”

85. “My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.”

86. “My circle is so small, I almost cut myself off.”

87. “There’s no reason to tailgate me when I’m doing 50 in a 35. And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.”

88. “During labor, the pain is so great that a woman can almost imagine what a man feels like when he has a fever.”

89. “You’re giving me the silent treatment? Finally.”

90. “Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.” — Cecilia Egan

91. “I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my key, pen, cell phone, temper, and even my mind.”

92. “Yeah, I’m a pacifist. I’m about to pass a fist across your face.”

93. “If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.”

94. “Autocorrect still thinks I want to say ‘duck’ 12 times a day.”

95. “If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.”

96. “Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” — Joan Crawford

97. “Like good wine, marriage gets better with age – once you learn to keep a cork in it.” — Gene Perret

98. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx

99. “I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.” — Oscar Wilde

100. “When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” — Sacha Guitry

25 Funniest Quotes on Sarcasm

101. “Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.” — Ashleigh Brilliant

102. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” — Robin Williams, Actor

103. “My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”

104. “The stuff you heard about me is a lie. I’m way worse.”

105. “I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended yet. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly.”

106. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

107. “When I ask for directions, please don’t use words like ‘East.'”

108. “Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.”

109. “Sometimes I wish I were a nicer person, but then I laugh and continue my day.”

110. “Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?”

111. “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck

112. “Sometimes the amount of self-control it takes to not say what’s on my mind is so immense, I need a nap afterward.”

113. “There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.”— Will Rogers

114. “Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.” — Steven Wright

115. “I don’t know how people can fake whole relationships. I can’t even fake a hello to somebody I don’t like.”

116. “I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic.” — Sarah Rees Brennan

117. “Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.” — P. J. O’Rourke

118. “If life gives you lemons, then be thankful for it. I have been getting only the peels for as long as I can remember!”

119. “This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.” — Lorrie Moore

120. “Didn’t sleep much but I did get a solid few hours of worrying done.”

121. “The whiskey tastes like I’m about to tell you how I really feel.”

122. “I became insane with long periods intervals of horrible sanity.” — Edgar Allen Poe, Writer

123. “I either have my hair and makeup done or look homeless. There is no in-between.”

124. “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” — Groucho Marx

125. “We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.” — Henny Youngman

25 Quotes with Sarcasm

126. “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.” — Max Kauffmann

127. “You’re not that lucky and I’m not that desperate!”

128. “No, no, no. I’m not insulting you. I’m just describing you.”

129. “I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.”

130. “You suck. You should fix that.”

131. “The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.” – Natalie Wood, Actress

132. “My tolerance for idiots is extremely low today. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there is a new strain out there.”

133. “Underestimate me. That’ll be fun.”

134. “Sweating while you shop counts as exercise.”

135. “If you don’t want a sarcastic answer, then don’t ask a stupid question.”

136. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?” — Groucho Marx

137. “I love being me. It pisses off all the right people.”

138. “If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.” — Lawrence Ferlinghetti

139. “Apparently rock bottom has a basement.”

140. “Someday, you’ll go far. I hope you stay there.”

141. “When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in peoples’ eyes.”

142. “Marriage is bliss for people who aren’t in it.”

143. “I’m not always rude and sarcastic. Sometimes I’m asleep.”

144. “It’s ok if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.”

145. “I always carry a knife in my purse. You know, in case of a cheesecake or something.”

146. “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions.”

147. “My alone time is sometimes for your safety.”

148. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”

149. “Your fervent, misguided sense of entitlement is stunning.”

150. “Oops! Did I just roll my eyes out loud?”

Conclusion on Sarcastic Quotes

Everyone has those bad days where their temper may flare up or they feel like people are pressing their buttons. You most certainly need to chuckle right now. Stress is lessened by it.

I appreciate you reading this. Which of the sarcastic quotes on the list above was your favorite? In the comments box, please share your favorite sarcastic quotes on life.